if a boy ever says “someone’s on their period” to u when ur angry that is literally code for “punch me in the balls” so don’t hesitate
as a boy i can tell you this translation is 100% accurate
actual scientific proof
go to vogue.co.uk and type (on your keyboard) up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A and watch what happens when you keep pressing A
THINGS I WEREN’T EXPECTING
When? Who? … Why?
Somewhere, a web developer is in stitches.
In this time of term papers I wanted to draw my patron deity, Bullshitticus, god of students and general last minute fudgery, sitting upon his Golden Futon, attended by the muses Caffeina and Thesaurae, whose powers of artificial energy and pretentious vocabulary can be invoked in case of the all-nighter.
I like to think he’s Dionysus’s second cousin or something.
This is genius…
all wise words from the sagest of the sage.
|(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)|
|Angry Customer:||“Damn f**s.”|
|Gay Man:||“Excuse me?”|
|Angry Customer:||“You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”|
|Gay Man:||*quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”|
|Angry Customer:||“Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”|
|(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)|
|Angry Customer:||*to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”|
|(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)|
|Owner:||“I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”|
|Wife:||“Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”|
|Owner:||“Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”|
|(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)|